Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
AS a child it wasn’t unusual to find me dancing around the living room singing the theme tune to my favourite cartoon. More often than not for the grand finale, I’d spin around until I got dizzy singing “…Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Heroes in a half-shell, Turtle power!” and punch the air in a very powerful pose to imitate my cold-blooded heroes.
Yes, that’s right, I was a big turtle fan. So when Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was released, off I danced to my local cinema. Well not really but I did sing the theme tune in my head. Some habits die hard.
Now I must warn you, this is a Michael Bay production so forget about any nostalgia inducing shots of goofy, pizza scoffing, sewer-dwelling crime busters and get ready for the obligatory ass shot of Megan Fox and everything being blown to smithereens as noisily as possible.
While the film feels juvenile and some of the one-liners are funny in an immature way, the levels of violence, death and destruction means it really isn’t for younger viewers. Unfortunately for anyone who was a fan of the comics or cartoons growing up, be prepared to be disappointed. Whatever charm our plucky heroes once had is diminished as this turns in to just another action movie.
The uninspired plot has New York under threat from the evil Foot Clan and their leader Shredder (Tohoru Masamune) but never fear as April O’Neil (Megan Fox) is on the case. She stumbles upon the turtles Leonardo (Pete Ploszek), Raphael (Alan Ritchson), Donatello (Jeremy Howard), Michelangelo (Noel Fisher) and their rodent father and mentor, Splinter (Tony Shalhoub). The story leads back to April’s dad, the conception of the turtles and Splinter and evil scientist Eric Sachs (William Fichtner).
No amount of special effects, explosions and close ups of Megan Fox’s best asset could save this movie, in fact less of these two may be an improvement. In my opinion, this movie is very April heavy when really it should be all about the heroes saving the world. Good versus evil is a time honoured formula that has been proven to work so why mess with perfection?
However, messed with it was and the result was a lacklustre disappointment that will only be a success due to the amount of adults who will want to see for themselves if the turtles are as good as they remember (they aren’t) and introduce their unwilling kids to their favourite crime fighting reptiles.
Photos c/o usatoday.com